I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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