Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Come share oat with me in your robe
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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