Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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