We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
