She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
