Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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