Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize