I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
