he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
