Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
