im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
