dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
