My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
