Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Randomize
