About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
