It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
