My liver just broke up with me...
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Never underestimate the power of titties
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
