Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
