I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
