dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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