the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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