I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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