Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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