Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I FOUND THE LEGS
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
