He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
