god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
