Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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