Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
