it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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