Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
