I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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