what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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