Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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