FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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