He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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