i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We are all done wearing pants today
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
