he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
