Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
