My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
