True but thats because hes a fetus.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
