Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize