this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
