that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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