so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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