I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
