thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
