I think i peed on brittanys purse
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
