I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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