I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize