i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
