He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
