Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
