I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
