How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize