I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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