i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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