youre lurking in front of me
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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