Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
