What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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