I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
