maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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