i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
