She's JV to your varsity
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
whose ass print is on the piano?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
