he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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