she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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