Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
