So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
