$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
