listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
