My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
