New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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