Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
